Twilight Saga: Christmas Special
by OcelotNinja666
Summary: Christmas with the Cullens. After Breaking Dawn


TWILIGHT The CHRISTMAS Special

It's Christmas at the Cullens'. And all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a vampire mouse.

Carlisle gathered all the vampires and half-vampire and werewolf around the Christmas tree. "Now we have to wait for Santa." Carlisle said.

"Wait Santa is REAL?!" Bella yelled.

"You believe in vampires and werewolves but not a fat man flying around the world in one night giving toys to good boys and girls and coal to people like Jasper."

"It's true." Jasper said starting to cry.

"Poor Jazz is on Santa's Naughty list for life and he lives forever" Alice said.

"Okay let me tell story about my people." Jacob said. "Not the Indian Christmas thing again." Edward whined.

"This is the story of the first _NATIVE AMERICAN _Christmas."

"Not again."

"Maybe you want Leah to tell it."

"Okay continue."

"One day along time ago the Quileutes were sitting peacefully and someone came along 'Hey sorry we took your land and killed your people, but we have to cut down your trees.' So the old Elder dude was like 'Why you take our tree?' and they were like 'It's for Christmas.' And the Elder was like 'What Christmas?' and they said 'That's the one day a year we're nice and give each other gifts.' And the Elder said 'We always do that 'cause we just cool like that.' And that was first Native American (Not INDIAN) Christmas." Jacob finished right as there was a big BANG!

Sam, Seth, and Leah had kicked down the door and stormed in. "JACOB DID YOU JUST SINGLE HANDEDLY SLAUGHTER OUR CULTURE!?" Sam yelled. "_Noooo…_" Jacob said

"Yeah whatever… Merry Christmas." Leah said.

"You mean 'Happy Holidays' you could offend some one." Seth corrected.

"No, I mean Merry Christmas."

"Fine we'll discuss Jacob's disgrace of our people later." Sam said sitting down with the Cullens.

A Half an Hour of Awkward Silence Later

THUD!

"Santa! ! ! ! ! !" Renésme yelled

"Yep it's me it's a good thing Jasper forgot to light the fireplace this year." Santa said walking into the room.

"I knew I forgot something," Jasper said striking a match.

"Jazzy, No." Alice said slapping the match from Jasper's hand then stomping it out.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, me and Santa are old friends we went to the same High School." Carlisle said.

"Yeah too bad Carly here was held back a year."

"You said you'd never speak of that!" Carlisle said in tears.

"I'm sorry. But look on the brightsid-"

"GET OUT!" Carlisle yelled

"You can't go talking to Santa like that!" Bella roared.

"You just learned of his existence like, an hour ago… hypocrite." Emmet snapped back

"Stop fighting. This isn't the Christmas spirit." Esmé said futilely trying to break up the fight.

"Bah Humbug" Rosalie muttered miserably.

"We have to stop this or we'll all turn out like Rosalie!" Carlisle said. "Sorry Santa."

"It's okay. Here are your gifts." Santa said taking stuff out of his sack.

"Your scent is like a drug to me." Jasper said eyeing Santa hungrily.

"Oh crap not again." Santa said running away, Jasper giving a close chase.

"But Jasper you didn't get coal this year check the tree." Santa said climbing the side of the house." "Yeah, did you hear that Alice! Jasper is a good boy." Jasper yelled gleefully running inside. "Let's open presents!" Jacob opened his present and it was……… COAL. And a note that read:

Dear Jacob,

Nothing personal but you disgraced your family, abandoned Billy, and you like stalk a toddler so that's not cool.

Love Santa.

Emmett opened his gift and it was…….. COAL and a note

Dear Emmet,

I'm gonna be straight out with you. You lost an arm-wresting match to a girl like half your size I can't honor that saddening performance.

Love Santa.

Bella opened her's and it too was coal

Dear Bella,

You're just a killjoy enjoy the coal buzz-kill.

Love Santa.

Edward opened his Coal and read the note

Dear Edward,

You're a pedophile, how many years younger is Bella then you? Enjoy creep.

Love Santa.

Rosalie didn't bother opening the coal and just read the note.

Dear Rosalie,

You're a bi-octh

Love Santa

P.S. Call Me.

Alice opened her's

Dear Alice,

Well … you're just kinda weird.

Love Santa

Renesme opened her's

Dear …,

Well everyone else got coal so I couldn't just give you something

Love Santa

PS. I didn't even try to spell your name.

Jasper read the note.

Dear Jasper,

We ran out of coal for some reason so I substituted reindeer fecal matter Hope you like it.

_Sincerely_, Santa

"He's just joking, I know it." Jasper said opening the foul smelling package

"He wasn't," Jasper said crying, "Well at least it isn't coal." He said crying no longer.

"You can mock Carlisle's grades: You can crap Jacob out of a gift but not my babies." Esmé said standing up. "Hopefully, the fat old man still on the roof." Esmé said storming out.

"Emmet, Jasper please get your mother." Carlisle asked the two. "Okay," they said walking out.

Esmé and Santa were staring each other down. Before engaging in DragonBall Z burst of punches and blocks they kept the intense battle going until Jasper tackled Santa off the roof while Emmett helped Esmé off the roof.

"But Jasper how could you do this after you saved Christmas all those years ago.

EPIC FLASHBACK

Christmas was stolen so they sent Major Jasper Whitlock to get it back.

"This ends here Grinch," Jasper yelled as he punched the green monster across the face. "You can steal Christmas from the North but not us." Jasper said rifle-butting the beast. Then the Grinch pushed Jasper to the ground and ran. The young Major took aim and fired. "See you in Hell!" And the green man fell.

"I'm sorry Santa but those days are gone. I'll spare your life if you put me on the Good List next year."

"Add some cookies and it's a deal." Santa said getting back in the sleigh.

The magic flying reindeer took off. "Ho ho ho. I was lying you're still Naughty."

"I'll hunt you to the ends of the Earth, Clause and don't you forget it."

_**NOTE**: The charcters I make fun of the most (Jasper, Jacob, and Leah) are actually my favorite charcters and I mock them as a joke I have nothing against them. BUT I DO HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST EDWARD!!!!! _


End file.
